My emotions are failing me again. I'm feeling like I'm being pulled into 2 parts. One part of me want to message her, a chat however short will already be satisfactory. However, my other part just don't know what to talk about. Somehow i just can't find the words or link it together to start up a conversation with her. That's why my other part is holding me back, forcing me to decide on what to talk about before even saying hello.
I don't know why this is happening to me. It might not seem as the Weng Hoe you all know who is talkative and sociable. I am able to talk to anyone i wanted to but somehow, just somehow she is the only one who is able to make me speechless and I will sometimes just forget what to say when i see her. People who knows me will think that i don't know the meaning of the word 'shy'. However, I might be experiencing it at this particular moment. Maybe I'm just too shy to talk to her.
I've been imagining this situation in my mind over and over again, predicting countless outcomes and reactions as well as what to say. I know some of you out there will think that I'm pretty stupid to be doing so much prep work just to talk to someone but it's just the way i work. Also I've been promising to myself that I would pick up the courage and talk to her even planning out what to say in order to keep the conversation going. But when the time comes, I would just suddenly forget every single thing like how it is right now.
Maybe it's because i haven't learn to open up to people yet due to some events in my past. It has not only made me more conservative but also more secretive to my friends. Think about it, how many of you can honestly say that you know about me, my lifestyle, my habits, what i like most, my hobbies and most of all my past. Most people might see me as a hypocrite if they realize how i am hiding behind a 'mask' deceiving everyone, but this is not what i want and it is because of my past. I've been hiding behind a 'mask' since secondary school and this 'mask' has grown onto me. Also, i don't only hide behind one 'mask' as i am constantly changing it due to the different people i meet. Its been so long since i last look back at my 'original face' and this has cause me to almost forget who i really am. And it's these 'mask' which i have to remove in order to be myself again can't be remove without help.
There are only 3 people in this world (other than her) who can help me now. Those 3 are the people whom i met at different stages of my life and they've been giving me support whether or not they realize it. 2 of them are my closest friends, friends who has earned partial trust from me. One of them is just a friend whom can somehow make me open up a little more while talking to me. These 3 may not realize but they're making a huge impact in my life, positively that is. The funny thing is, these 3 people are all girls.
Enough ranting. I guess I'll just hit the bed and try to forget about it as the reason I'm posting this right now is because she's online and i just can't talk to her.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Monday, May 19, 2008
A while more...
It's been a while since i last blogged. Well i can say that i've been busy 'studying' or rather trying to study for my majors which will be on the 4th, 5th and 6th of June. But still i've not scrapped my old habit of studying at the last moment (usually a day or two before the exam dates) and it has made studying a really tough task.
Saturday
Had to pull myself out of bed early in the morning as i had to reach Pavillion with my sis and bro by 10.30 am for a special screening of Prince Caspian (not really special but it was for donation). Woke up late at around 8.50 and that gives me around 15-20 mins to get ready and to fill up my stomach at the same time. Reached Pavillion at 10 am cause i (we actually) skipped breakfast but i managed to order a 1901 hotdog to be delivered to my seat in the hall during the movie. I got to say the movie is indeed nice. It is not what i expected and i enjoyed myself throughout the movie. After the movie, we headed to Nandos to have lunch. Then later my sister decided to go on her shopping spree so i departed on my own and walked around the mall. Met ser siang and may ee there who were waiting to go watch the same movie. Finally, after an hour my sister called and said we were going home. Since we didnt drive there, we walked all the way to the monorail station at Lot 10, took it to KL Sentral and then LRT back to KJ.
Reached home at about 4.40-5.00 feeling really exhausted from all the walking.I gave up trying to study for the day and sat down in front of the computer. At about 6.30 my dad called back and told us to postpone the reservation for the Japanese Buffet at Saisaki Suishi to 7.30 instead of canceling it. So we rushed all the way back to KL again to Wisma OUG 2 which is just nearby Pavillion. The food there is ok. They had a large selection of food, not only Japanese but also Chinese and Western food. However, the environment there is a little too noisy and not like any other buffet places i've been to.
Sunday
Did some studying today (only Chapter 1 and 2 of T5) but spent most of the time sleeping. The only time i was awake in the afternoon was to watch Wind Chill and for lunch. Slept all the time until the evening when i woke up to study and then later dinner.
After dinner, we headed to Giant to grab some groceries and ended up spending almost 2 hours there. Came back home, unpacked the groceries and then watched the Life and Death of Bobby Z which is a pretty pointless show in my opinion.
Saturday
Had to pull myself out of bed early in the morning as i had to reach Pavillion with my sis and bro by 10.30 am for a special screening of Prince Caspian (not really special but it was for donation). Woke up late at around 8.50 and that gives me around 15-20 mins to get ready and to fill up my stomach at the same time. Reached Pavillion at 10 am cause i (we actually) skipped breakfast but i managed to order a 1901 hotdog to be delivered to my seat in the hall during the movie. I got to say the movie is indeed nice. It is not what i expected and i enjoyed myself throughout the movie. After the movie, we headed to Nandos to have lunch. Then later my sister decided to go on her shopping spree so i departed on my own and walked around the mall. Met ser siang and may ee there who were waiting to go watch the same movie. Finally, after an hour my sister called and said we were going home. Since we didnt drive there, we walked all the way to the monorail station at Lot 10, took it to KL Sentral and then LRT back to KJ.
Reached home at about 4.40-5.00 feeling really exhausted from all the walking.I gave up trying to study for the day and sat down in front of the computer. At about 6.30 my dad called back and told us to postpone the reservation for the Japanese Buffet at Saisaki Suishi to 7.30 instead of canceling it. So we rushed all the way back to KL again to Wisma OUG 2 which is just nearby Pavillion. The food there is ok. They had a large selection of food, not only Japanese but also Chinese and Western food. However, the environment there is a little too noisy and not like any other buffet places i've been to.
Sunday
Did some studying today (only Chapter 1 and 2 of T5) but spent most of the time sleeping. The only time i was awake in the afternoon was to watch Wind Chill and for lunch. Slept all the time until the evening when i woke up to study and then later dinner.
After dinner, we headed to Giant to grab some groceries and ended up spending almost 2 hours there. Came back home, unpacked the groceries and then watched the Life and Death of Bobby Z which is a pretty pointless show in my opinion.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Uneventful...
An uneventful week just passed by. Other than a small gathering with some of the old 'cengal gang' on 30th night, i've been staying home every other day until monday.
30th (Wednesday)
The small gathering with the others went pretty well. Somehow i was the first to reach there (i was even earlier than ethan who organize it) though it was around 7.40 already. We were suppose to meet outside cineleisure at 7.30 but as usual most of them are late. Only had to wait for a couple of minutes till Ethan arrived. We then had to wait for the other 7 who were coming. Kar May, Chiaw Yee and Khei Sze were next to arrive and then the 5 of us adjourned to Laundry to get a plate of calamaris to munch while waiting for the others. Kit Weng joined us a while later and next it was Sab. Finally, Meng Leong and Wei Kit arrived and we left Laundry to search for a place to eat. We finally settled on 1920 and got the waiters/waitresses there to arrange the couches for us to sit. We sat, ate, talked and joked about there and left at 10
1st (Thursday)
Woke up late (really late at 10 am) when i was suppose to play football with Wei Kit and co. This was due to me staying up unti 5.30 am watching Liverpool v Chelsea. I wanted to continue staying awake until it was time to go but somehow i fell asleep in front of the TV without my alarm clock. Anyway, sorry for not being able to come for that football session guys.
5th & 6th (Monday & Tuesday)
It was EDC/EFC session for T3. The entire lecture hall was packed with students from 3 groups. Honestly, I never did learn or revise anything while attending those classes. All i did most of the time was sleep and talk. Monday was pretty uneventful as i slept 80% of the time. Tuesday was a little different. Us guys ended up sitting at the last and second last row which allowed us a lot of freedom to do anything we wanted to.
30th (Wednesday)
The small gathering with the others went pretty well. Somehow i was the first to reach there (i was even earlier than ethan who organize it) though it was around 7.40 already. We were suppose to meet outside cineleisure at 7.30 but as usual most of them are late. Only had to wait for a couple of minutes till Ethan arrived. We then had to wait for the other 7 who were coming. Kar May, Chiaw Yee and Khei Sze were next to arrive and then the 5 of us adjourned to Laundry to get a plate of calamaris to munch while waiting for the others. Kit Weng joined us a while later and next it was Sab. Finally, Meng Leong and Wei Kit arrived and we left Laundry to search for a place to eat. We finally settled on 1920 and got the waiters/waitresses there to arrange the couches for us to sit. We sat, ate, talked and joked about there and left at 10
1st (Thursday)
Woke up late (really late at 10 am) when i was suppose to play football with Wei Kit and co. This was due to me staying up unti 5.30 am watching Liverpool v Chelsea. I wanted to continue staying awake until it was time to go but somehow i fell asleep in front of the TV without my alarm clock. Anyway, sorry for not being able to come for that football session guys.
5th & 6th (Monday & Tuesday)
It was EDC/EFC session for T3. The entire lecture hall was packed with students from 3 groups. Honestly, I never did learn or revise anything while attending those classes. All i did most of the time was sleep and talk. Monday was pretty uneventful as i slept 80% of the time. Tuesday was a little different. Us guys ended up sitting at the last and second last row which allowed us a lot of freedom to do anything we wanted to.
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