Depressed...

Not sure why, but i'm feeling down at the moment. I'm experiencing lots of mixed emotions. Part of me feels this way and another part feels another way.

Old memories are just flooding back into my mind. Happy memories, sad memories, its all coming back to me now. Things which i have never thought about for a very long time due to my busy day schedule recently.

Part of this is due to 'her' cause weird as it seems, i have not talk/chat/sms with her for a very long time. Although i can talk to any person in the world comfortably, i just can't seem to find the right words to start or continue a conversation with her. Maybe it's cause i'm afraid that i will somehow hurt her feelings or maybe it's cause i'm afraid of making the situation really awkward for the both of us until we can't remain as friends anymore. Whatever the reason is, it is fear, mainly the fear of rejection, that is holding me back from doing what i want to.

Oh well, whatever it is i'm hoping to just overcome this fear and go on with life. If i had known it would be so painful, i wouldn't have gotten myself into this situation in the first place. Like someone used to tell me, 'I'm just banging my head against a wall', and now i'm feeling the pain...